🌿 When Love Doesn't Look the Same
Decision to Love - Trail Marker #3
Sometimes love is there, but we don't recognize it because it doesn't look the way we expect. This chapter invites you to look beyond your own perspective and discover how different ways of loving can create both connection and misunderstanding.
🎵 A Song For Your Journey: I'm Rediscovering You
Chapter Three: When Love Doesn't Look the Same
Choose the way you’d like to experience this chapter:
📖 Read Chapter Three
🎧 Listen to Chapter Three
🌱 Journey Reflection
1. Have you ever felt unloved by someone who you later realized was trying to show you love? What did you expect love to look like, and how was their way different?
2. What are some things you naturally do to show someone you love them? Do you tend to assume that other people will recognize those things as expressions of love?
3. Think of a relationship where you have felt misunderstood. How might your own perspective have influenced the way you interpreted the other person's words or actions? What might you have been missing from their perspective?
4. Have you ever done something you didn't really want to do because you thought it was the loving thing to do? What were you hoping would happen because of your choice? Looking back, was it loving to yourself as well as to the other person?
5. Is there something you have been afraid to honestly share with someone because you were worried about how they would respond? What might change if you could share your feelings openly without trying to control what the other person does with them?
Explore How You Give and Receive Love
One of the things that helped me begin to understand my relationship with Mat was recognizing that we didn't naturally show love in the same ways.
I often expressed love by doing things—helping, giving, spending time together, and trying to meet Mat's needs.
If you haven't already discovered The Five Love Languages, it might be a helpful tool in noticing some of the different ways people express and receive love. It isn't the whole story—but it can be a big help in helping you recognize new ways of looking at love.
As you explore, pay particular attention to the ways you naturally give love.
Songs and Links that go with this Chapter:
Sometimes music tells it best:
🎵 I'm Rediscovering You
The love song I wrote for Mat when I discovered our different love languages.
It's nice to recognize when love is there.
🎵 Father, Do You Hear Me?
This was the song I wrote for the Music Contest. I never expected it to win, but it was a big part of my songwriting journey.
sung with my sister, Heidi
🔗 Links:
If you haven't discovered Sally DeFord's website, it's a must see!
The website that Sally inspired
(Sheet Music by Lindy)
🥾Trail Challenge: Notice The Effects Of Your Actions
This challenge is about noticing the choices we make every day in what we do.
We are always doing something, though we may not always be conscious of the effects of our actions. When we become more aware of those effects, it can impact our lives in positive and empowering ways.
To become more aware, set a timer to go off at different times during the day. When it does, simply pause and notice:
What am I doing right now?
Then ask:
Why am I doing this?
Who is being affected by what I am doing?
Do I like this effect?
Do I want to continue?
There's no need to change what you are doing. The point is to simply notice—to recognize that what you do has an effect, and that you get to choose whether you want to continue.
This can help you become more conscious of the choices you make every day. Every little choice can make a difference in how you feel, what you accomplish, and what happens around you.
Become more intentional about what you choose to do each day, and recognize the impact your choices can have on your life.
❤️ Suggestions for Deeper Relationships
When love looks different, it can be easy to focus on what someone is doing without noticing the effect those actions have on the other person. Take moments to recognize how what you do affects the person you love.
Ask yourself:
How is what I am doing affecting the other person?
Is the effect positive or negative?
Do I like this effect?
Is there something I could do differently that might have a more loving effect?
You don't have to change what you are doing. The goal is to become more aware of how the choices you make affect the other person—and to recognize that you have a choice in what you do next.
Make the decision to love by noticing the effects of your actions and how what you do impacts the people around you.
You Don't Have to Walk This Path Alone
If you'd enjoy discussing these ideas, asking questions, and learning from others who are also seeking to choose love, I'd love to have you join our Decision to Love Community.
Ready for the Next Chapter?
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